…with apologies to Dante Alighieri
The First Circle of Hell – Writing About Ivana Trump.
The Second Circle of Hell – Flying These Days – You know, things like: having to get to the airport three hours early so you can stand in line to be humiliated by cold hands and colder glares, unless you're into that sort of thing. Not to mention the strip tease you have to do – if only they would add a stripper pole to the lines…
The Third Circle of Hell – Pack Your Single Allowed Bag Expecting to be Searched and having your intimates gone through three times in the course of getting to a single destination.
The Fourth Circle of Hell – Not Being Able to Have Anything on Your Lap the Last Hour of Your Flight – What does this do to the Mile High Club – get your fun in before that last hour.
The Fifth Circle of Hell – Terrorists.
The Sixth Circle of Hell – Children in Airports – See Number Five.
The Seventh Circle of Hell – Children on Airplanes – See Numbers Five and Six.
The Eighth Circle of Hell – Flight Attendants who do Nothing about Screaming, Running, Yelling, Spitting, Crying, Children in hermetically sealed tubes with stale air, stale food, stale restrooms and no parachutes to escape.
The Ninth Circle of Hell – Sympathizing and Empathizing with Ivana Trump for getting P.O.'d at Children who Run, Scream, Yell and Cry on airplanes and Flight Attendants who do Nothing about them.
But even so Ivana Trump should be drawn and quartered or worse yet made to spend an hour in Chucky Cheese or Gymboree, just because she's Ivana Trump.